These days it’s hard to tell which traditional punishments are a bad idea and which are just simply out of style. Some are still fine to use today, while others can be truly harmful. Where does having a child stand in the corner fall? I took some time researching the answer to find out.
Is standing in the corner a good punishment? No. Standing in the corner as a form of punishment is not healthy for the child. History tells us that it’s cruel and science tells us that it creates issues for the child later in life that greatly outweighs the perceived benefits.
It is sometimes easy to forget that the things that we do today have their roots in historic practices that long predate any modern existing science and research. In this case, believe it or not, the roots of the idea are almost as old as the scientific method itself and the practice is about 200 years old.
I’ll talk a little about where this practice comes from and whether the science says it’s effective, then I will talk about what you can do instead to ensure your children grow into disciplined and respecftul young adults.
What History and Science Say
History
The idea of having a child stand in the corner was most famously used as a strategy in Victorian England and at about the same time in America when punitive discipline was the primary tool for maintaining control of kids. They were sent to stand in the dunce corner, sit at a designated dunce table, and/or wear the infamous dunce cap.
The idea was that all students would want to avoid being put on display in front of the class or labeled a “dunce”. Each method was intended to produce the same outcome, compliance through shame. Each approach got its name from the same place as the dunce cap itself, John Duns Scotus (born around 1266).
He was a philosopher during the Medieval period that believed pointed hats stimulated the brain and funneled wisdom to the person who wore it, presumably from the heavens.
Later as the Renaissance and the Enlightenment produced greatthinkers and ideas, his views and the name Duns (pronounced dunce) itself became synonymous with “idiocy”.
After the Victorian period, our society slowly realized that shaming kids was wrong and we have moved away from the practice. However, some remnants of the era, like putting children in the corner still remain. In fact, in the U.K. they still call it the dunce’s corner.
Although we don’t call it that here in the U.S., it is used for the same purpose. For those willing to understand the history and original intent of the practice, it is clear that separating kids from others and putting them on display in front of them is not healthy.
It produces a similar culture of shame that the Victorian practice did and does nothing to help the child learn from their mistake with dignity and respect.
Any disciplinary action you choose to implement with your child should have their best interests at heart and should be carried out with love and empathy so that they can grow from it.
Once we look at the history of this practice it does not appear to come from a place that is beneficial to children. The science on the subject supports this as well.
Science
Over the past 40 years, a great deal of scientific research has been conducted on the shaming of children and has confirmed that it is a bad idea.
Although most people agree that making a child wear the dunce cap is a poor decision, the dunce corner has not been as easy to eliminate.
Even if we don’t call it that in the U.S., that is what it is.
Having a child stand in the corner may seem helpful at the time because it takes them out of a situation and makes an example out of them for any other children present, but it is a shaming strategy and can have serious long-term consequences.
There are significant immediate and lasting impacts of using shame as a disciplinary strategy for children.
For those who are using it to produce good behavior in the child, two questions should be asked: Is the resulting behavior truly natural or coerced and what will the cost be to the child’s well-being?
Is the resulting behavior natural or coerced?
Natural behavior reflects who the child really is.
It is how their thoughts, actions,and habits organically become part of their character.
Coerced behavior reflects the child acting out of fear of consequences without really understanding the why (except to avoid the consequences).
Although this can seem like a great idea to modify the short-term behavior, it is not good for their emotional development.
If coercion through shaming is a consistent part of their lives, it can create some very undesirable character traits, which I talk about below.
What will be the cost to the child’s well-being?
As you think about how shaming impacts kids I want you to think about this.
What is said and/or done to a child by a loved one or authority figure can greatly impact their sense of self-worth.
This is because their self-identity is shaped by what they hear about themselves and how they are treated.
Children in these situations often feel insignificant because they think they are just bad kids.
They don’t learn anything that way. They may sometimes do what you want them to do as a result of a natural desire to try to please you.
Be aware, this may be a false signal of success.
If you have used a disciplinary strategy that may have brought shame, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I think my child felt shamed?
- Is shame something I want my child to feel?
- Did they comply just for the sake of compliance?
- Have they withdrawn afterward?
- Were they reluctant to tell me how they really felt?
- Did they express anger?
- Once they were out of my range did they do something concerning or out of character?
- Did they truly learn what they needed to learn?
The answers to the above questions are for you to reflect on and should help you start to figure out if they are starting to put up a wall.
Instead of thinking about the use of this strategy as an immediate tactic to change the behavior ask yourself if this approach to discipline is something you want to be a part of your family culture.
It’s understandable why parents and caretakers are tempted to use shaming strategies like making a child face the wall or putting their nose in the corner. They appear to work. In the short term, they can modify the child’s behavior and in the heat of the moment we just want to correct the behavior so we can move on with everyone’s day in peace and try to enjoy our time together. But you should try to remember this;shame is an inhibitor. It does not solve problems, it just buries them and causes the child to fear not being good enough (among other things).
The feeling of disapproval caused by shame makes the child think others do not approve of them – leading to withdrawal and other worrisome emotional reactions. In the short-term, the child may react by trying to please the parent. According to the studies on what happens over the long term, it’s not worth it.
As these feelings build up over time they compound and can manifest themselves as hostility, self-doubt, passive-aggression, and even rage.
A life raised with shame can become a life of self-consciousness and internalized humiliation.
Although we may think we are helping our kids by giving them a time out and making an example of them in the corner, we surely don’t want to create any of these feelings in them.
Yet, according to the research, that’s exactly what putting them in the corner can do. Over time, shaming strategies even hurt their relationships with others.
Relationships
A child or teenager who is put in the corner is implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) labeled as the bad kid (even if it’s just siblings or friends watching). Over time, they get used to this label and begin to understand themselves as the person who belongs in this role. It’s really just the nature of a child adapting to their environment.
That’s not the kind of adapting we want them to do. They need to learn how to feel in a situation and experience how others feel. They cannot do that if they are repeatedly removed from the situations that they need the opportunity to learn from. As they grow more disconnected it gets harder for them to develop empathy, a key personal and professional skill they will need in adulthood.
So what can we do?
After doing this research it’s clear the science and history don’t support using shaming strategies as a tool to help kids learn right from wrong. Try to remember that most of the time behavior is developmental and if you stay positive and supportive through each period of a child’s life, they will grow out of the short-term behavior and be better off for it in the long run.
The core of any parenting approach should be love, compassion, connection, meaningful structure, and discipline that develops personal responsibility. You can learn more about how to consistently show these qualities to your children in the article I wrote on the topic.
Some better ways to help a child learn to improve their behavior include:
- Clearly explaining what is expected of them
- Meaningful reflection (it can be in another room) where they explain what they learned afterward
- Redemption (they show you the corrected behavior)
- Put routines in place that guide them
- Put structures in place that work in the background to shape their behavior
There are many other strategies that you can explore on my site, I listed some powerful ideas in this article. These are all “long game” strategies that win out in the end. It can be easy to fall into the short game trap because we don’t want our kids to develop behaviors that will lead them down the wrong path, but they often don’t pay off later.
If you read my articles a lot you know that I am no pushover. I believe deeply in the firm but fair mindset when it comes to disciplining kids.I embrace this approach with my own kids and with students. I expect my kids to behave, and work with them daily to make sure they are growing into respectful well-adjusted people. For this approach to work, I know it must have love and respect for the child at the core.
Kids can sense when we are frustrated when we are angry, and yes when we are just being mean.
It is incredibly important (and one of the most difficult things in the world to do) to model healthy behavior all the time.
None of us are perfect. However, we should still strive to do the best we can each day and learn from the best information out there to become a little bit better one step at a time.
Related Questions
How do you effectively use time out?
Timeouts should be used to break up the action and give the child some time to calm down.
A general rule of thumb is one minute per year old, but that can vary. You may just want to let them come out when they are ready.
Toddlers are especially unpredictable because they may not remember why they are there in the first place and get scared.
How do you discipline a defiant child?
When working with a defiant child you have to stay calm and steady. Remind them about expected behavior.
Be clear about rules and consequences. Give them opportunities to practice the desired behavior and praise them when they do.
Most importantly, connect and remember that when you discipline you are trying to create a disciple.
FAQs
However, standing in a corner is a punishment rather than a way of getting your child to reflect and take time out to calm down. Also, 15 minutes if far too long for a five year old. Your lad will lose the connection between behaviour and consequence, and therefore could end up resenting you whilst not learning.
How long should you put a child in the corner? ›
A good rule is to give 1 minute of time-out for every year of the child's age. This means that a 2-year-old would sit in time-out for 2 minutes, and a 3-year-old would have a 3-minute time-out. Your child should be quiet before he leaves the time-out space.
Is putting kids in the corner bad? ›
“Sending children away to get control of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness' inside them,” he says. “Chances are they were already feeling not very good about themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm in their own minds that they were right.”
What kind of punishment are most effective? ›
Positive punishment can be effective when it immediately follows the unwanted behavior. It works best when applied consistently. It's also effective alongside other methods, such as positive reinforcement, so the child learns different behaviors.
What is the best punishment for a child? ›
Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don't behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don't give in by giving them back after a few minutes.
What is the 1 2 3 rule for kids? ›
1-2-3 Magic divides the parenting responsibilities into three straightforward tasks: controlling negative behavior, encouraging good behavior, and strengthening the child-parent relationship. The program seeks to encourage gentle, but firm, discipline without arguing, yelling, or spanking.
How do you discipline a child without yelling or hitting? ›
Below are ten alternatives to spanking that you might find helpful.
- Give choices. A choice gives some control back to the child on the parents' terms. ...
- Take a timeout. ...
- Get someone else involved. ...
- Teach them what you expect. ...
- Recognize their positive behaviors. ...
- Timeout. ...
- Consequence. ...
- Pick your battles.
Strategies to Try
- Stay cool and use other tools. Don't view timeouts as the holy grail of child discipline and be open to alternative ways to teach your child how to behave. ...
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. ...
- Figure out how long the timeout should be. ...
- Find the right timeout setting. ...
- Be reassuring but firm.
Department of Pediatrics, Division of Child Development
Many decades of research have shown that time-out is associated with a reduction in aggressive behavior, improved child compliance, and increased generalization of appropriate behavior across environments.
What to do if your child refuses timeout? ›
As soon as your child has calmed down, the time-out has served its purpose. If your child refuses to go to her time-out place and stay there, she needs your help. Walk her to the chosen spot, and calmly instruct her to sit down. If she springs up, gently sit her back down again.
Severe historical execution methods include the breaking wheel, hanged, drawn and quartered, mazzatello, boiling to death, death by burning, execution by drowning, death by starvation, immurement, flaying, disembowelment, crucifixion, impalement, crushing, execution by elephant, keelhauling, stoning, dismemberment, ...
What is the cruelest form of punishment? ›
Scaphism. Scaphism was one of the worst and most painful, skin-crawling methods of torture. It was described by the Greeks as a punishment used by the Persians, and if they are to be believed, those Persians were insane.
What is the least severe punishment? ›
Misdemeanors are less serious than felonies, either because the intent requirement is of a lower level or because the result is less extreme. Misdemeanors are usually punishable by jail time of one year or less per misdemeanor, a fine, or alternative sentencing like probation, rehabilitation, or community service.
What are harsh punishments for kids? ›
Physical punishment, sometimes called corporal punishment, is anything done to cause pain or discomfort in response to your child's behaviors. Examples of physical punishment include: spanking (one of the most common methods of physical punishment) slapping, pinching, or pulling.
What are some bad punishments? ›
There are many examples of negative punishment in everyday life. Losing privileges, being fined for violating the law, being grounded, and losing access to the tablet are all common negative punishment examples in real life.
What are fair punishments for kids? ›
What type of punishment is appropriate for a child? Punishments that might include delayed privileges, parental control, and temporary withdrawal of their favorite items might be effective. Making them bear the consequences of their actions might teach them to control their actions.
What is the 90 10 rule for children? ›
Praise –Aim for the 90:10 rule – praise should be given out 90 percent of the time and limit-setting or discipline should be only 10 percent of the time. When you catch your child doing something good, reinforce that behavior with positive praise.
What is the 10 second rule kids? ›
He calls it The 10 Second Rule: just do the next thing you're reasonably certain Jesus wants you to do. (And do it quickly before you change your mind.) The 10 Second Rule will empower you to take simple “baby steps” of obedience, as God directs you.
What is the 10 second rule children? ›
10 second rule – pause for 10 seconds before replying to a child. Comment on children's play rather than constantly ask questions, 4 comments to 1 question. Too many questions can stifle and interrupt.Comments can model, extend, reinforce language and prompt thinking.
What are the no yelling tools? ›
No-yelling tools are psychological techniques that get your kid's attention and make them cooperate with you without raising your voice. They're simple, effective, and easy to use. With them, you'll never have to repeat yourself. You'll never have to yell or raise your voice.
It's never too late to make a change in your parenting behavior or learn some new techniques. If you notice yourself yelling a lot or losing your temper, ask for help. A therapist or even another parent can help you sort through some of those feelings and develop a plan to deal with them in a healthier way.
How do you discipline a stubborn child? ›
How to Cope with a Stubborn Toddler
- Pick your battles. If your child tries to defy you in a fairly trivial situation, it can be helpful to let her do what she wants. ...
- Avoid saying “no” too often. ...
- Know your child's triggers. ...
- Don't give in.
Behaviour and Discipline. It's one of the oldest and most common discipline methods, but does sending children to their room actually work? Not really, say the experts, but even worse, it could also be teaching them to suppress emotions instead of learning how to deal with them.
How do you work with a disobedient child? ›
If he becomes disobedient and out of control, impose a timeout until he calms down and regains self-control. When your child is obedient and respectful, compliment him for that behavior. Reward the behavior you are seeking, including cooperation and resolution of disagreements.
What is acceptable punishment? ›
Acceptable means of discipline include withdrawal or delay of privileges, consequences and time-out. Example: The child destroys toys. Instead of replacing these toys, let the child learn the logical consequences. Destroying toys will result in no toys to play with.
Why is time-out a negative punishment? ›
Time Out is a punishment technique, and punishment can be positive or negative. It's a negative punishment because you are removing (not adding) something. Many people don't know when they say the phrase "Time Out" they are using an abbreviation. The full name is Time Out from Reinforcing Activities.
What is positive punishment? ›
Positive punishment describes any situation in which parents add something that is undesirable to the child in order to encourage them to refrain from a specific behavior they do not consider appropriate or acceptable.
What to do when your child doesn t want to go to practice? ›
If he's concerned that practice will be too challenging or that he won't be as 'good' as the other players, explain that it's the effort that counts. Talk about what the word “practice” means. Remind your child that practice is a time when he gets to train, learn, and build skills.
What is the ignore technique? ›
Ignoring works well when used with positive attention for behaviors you'd like to see more often. This means that you ignore the behavior you want to stop and when you see your child doing something you like, you praise it immediately. Be prepared for the behavior to get worse when you first start ignoring it.
What age should time-out stop? ›
Time-outs are effective through about age 8. 2 Natural consequences that fit the unacceptable behavior—taking away your child's phone for a day if they snuck Snapchat during homework time, for instance—is a good discipline strategy for older children.
PROBLEMS AND
- PUNISHMENT OFTEN FAILS TO STOP, AND CAN EVEN INCREASE THE OCCURRENCE OF, ...
- PUNISHMENT AROUSES STRONG EMOTIONAL RESPONSES THAT MAY GENERALIZE. ...
- USING PUNISHMENT MODELS AGGRESSION. ...
- INTERNAL CONTROL OF BEHAVIOR IS NOT LEARNED. ...
- PUNISHMENT CAN EASILY BECOME ABUSE. ...
- PAIN IS STRONGLY ASSOCIATED WITH AGGRESSION.
Admonition (or "being admonished") is the lightest punishment under Scots law.
What is the oldest punishment in the world? ›
The death penalty is one of the oldest forms of punishment known to mankind and has been used by countless people. The death penalty was used long before the criminal law in its current interpretation.
What is a punishment from God called? ›
Divine retribution is supernatural punishment of a person, a group of people, or everyone by a deity in response to some action.
What are the worst ways to be tortured? ›
10 Brutal Ways to Die by Torture in the Ancient World
- Crucifixion: From the Ancient World to the Modern. ...
- 9. Rat Torture: Eaten Alive. ...
- The Rack: Stretching the Body. ...
- Keelhauling: Dragged Under. ...
- The Wheel: A Severe Bashing. ...
- Impalement: Pierced Straight Through. ...
- Blood Eagle: Giving the Victim “Wings”
Death by electrocution was believed to be quick and painless. Today, after 4,300 electrocutions, death by electric chair can no longer be called an unusual punishment.
What is the harshest punishment in the US? ›
The death penalty can only be imposed on defendants convicted of capital offenses – such as murder, treason, genocide, or the killing or kidnapping of a Congressman, the President, or a Supreme Court justice.
What is the biggest punishment? ›
5 of the harshest punishments around the world
- Crucifixion. ...
- The brazen bull. ...
- Flaying. ...
- Using rats to kill people. ...
- Sawed in half.
The 5 Most Common Forms of Punishment
- Yelling – scolding, name calling, demanding.
- Withdrawing or Withholding – taking away privileges which may or may not have anything to do with their unacceptable behavior.
- Using “Logical Consequences” – i.e. if the child is late for dinner, they are made to go without eating.
Don't Make the Grounding Too Long
Grounding for a week, or two or three weekends is probably sufficient to get the message across without losing it over time. A month may be too long. As the parent of a teen, a shorter time gives you a lesser chance of caving in and reducing the grounding period later.
When considering how many spanks a child should get, a general suggestion is that the number of spanks you give should equal the number of times the child has broken the same rule. This would mean starting with a non-physical punishment or warning for the first offense.
Why yelling at your child doesn t work? ›
Yelling Can Fuel Anxiety, Depression, and Lower Self Esteem. Studies have found that children who are yelled at are prone to anxiety and have increased levels of depression.
What are good punishments for losers? ›
Below is a list of fun punishment ideas for losers:
- Putting on a ridiculous outfit for a day.
- Giving up favourite food for a week.
- Walking around with a sign that reads "loser".
- Doing an embarrassing dare in public that the winner chooses.
- Wearing the opponent's jersey for the rest of the day.
Disrespect from children and teens can be shown in a variety of ways - the most common being backtalk, complaining, arguing, attitude, or just plain ignoring.
What is a simple punishment? ›
7] Imprisonment: Imprisonment is a most simple and very common mode of punishment for in India. imprisonment is a method by which the accused and unfit subject of society put into prison for a particular period of time with a view to make him a subject to society.
What is natural punishment? ›
Natural consequences are those things that happen in response to your child's behavior without parental involvement. These are imposed by nature, society, or another person. You do not actually deliver a natural consequence yourself.
How does home corner help a child's development? ›
By providing a setting for role play, the home corner allows children to make sense of their immediate world. Children have numerous opportunities to work together, express their feelings, and use language to communicate roles and respond to one another's needs and requests.
How far should I space out my kids? ›
For most women, how long should you wait before getting pregnant again? For most women, it's best to wait at least 18 months between giving birth and getting pregnant again. This means your baby will be at least 1½ years old before you get pregnant with another baby.
Is timeout effective for a 2 year old? ›
Experts recommend not using the time-out discipline method until your child is around age 2 or 3. 2 This is about the time when children will begin to recognize cause and effect and understand consequences. At this age, they are also starting to gain more self-control and are more apt to stay in the time-out area.
How do you extend a dramatic play? ›
Use of props: using objects to expand and enhance pretend play. Make-believe: copying the actions of persons from various settings (e.g., restaurant server) In-depth play: spending an extended amount of time playing out a theme or idea in dramatic play.
A learning corner refers to a small space or area dedicated solely to a child/ children. A can help develop a child's creativity, sharpen their focus, and increase their motivation to read and learn. The main aim for providing a learning corner for children is to give them a sense of responsibility and belonging.
Why do kids like to be in a corner? ›
“It's a safe space for kids to go when they need to relax, recharge, or even release their pent-up anger or frustration.” With a little creativity, you can put together a fun area for your children to call their own. Here are some simple tips to help you get started!
When should a child go in their own room? ›
There's no clear cut answer, but from my experience, I recommend moving your baby into their own room when they're around 6 to 7 months old. After 7 months, babies become so much more tuned into the particulars of their surroundings and may have a harder time adjusting to the change of environment.
What age does the average kid move out? ›
While there are a lot of factors involved, the average age when people move out of their parent's home is somewhere between 24 and 27.
What age should kids move out of parents room? ›
Same implies to whatever the child sees around him or her. “Parents should ensure that their child leaves the bedroom at the age of three to 11 because they are able to know what is taking place, though they may not understand.
How do you discipline a child that doesn't care? ›
Here are 10 tips for how to give consequences that work—even when kids say they don't care.
- Use Consequences That Have Meaning. ...
- Don't Try to Appeal to His Emotions with Speeches. ...
- Make Consequences Black and White. ...
- Talk to Your Child About Effective Problem-Solving. ...
- Don't Get Sucked into an Argument over Consequences.
Locking a child in a room is an act of desperation that causes fear, anxiety, social isolation and disdain for school and school authorities. It is neither effective nor humane. Instead of relying on seclusion, schools should use effective interventions that help children with behavioral health needs.
How do you discipline a difficult child? ›
The good news for every parent is it works and here's how you can start putting it into practice:
- Plan 1-on-1 time. ...
- Praise the positives. ...
- Set clear expectations. ...
- Distract creatively. ...
- Use calm consequences. ...
- Pause. ...
- Step back. ...
- Praise yourself.
The thing to do is to gently, calmly move their arm away from the person they are hitting, so they can't hit again. You can let them try. Just keep their arm from landing on you or anyone else. Mild words like, “No, that doesn't feel good,” or, “I can't let you do that,” might be helpful.
What if my child refuses to go to timeout? ›
Your child won't stay put
As soon as your child has calmed down, the time-out has served its purpose. If your child refuses to go to her time-out place and stay there, she needs your help. Walk her to the chosen spot, and calmly instruct her to sit down. If she springs up, gently sit her back down again.
